why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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