Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
