Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
a search helicopter?!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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