you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
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i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
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The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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