she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
