you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
