if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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