she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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