I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
