I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
