Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
