I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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