I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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