i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I need water and some morals
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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