Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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