absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Success! We fucked roommates!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize