the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
