just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize