note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
