my soul wont recognize me after tonight
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize