It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
