Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
