Where is the hickey?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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