party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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