New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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