my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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