be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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