you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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