Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
