I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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