I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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