next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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