You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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