saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
