yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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