I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You brought string cheese to the strip club
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
