Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
