is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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