this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize