he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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