I think I am morally bankrupt
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
