i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
