Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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