I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
