just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
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I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
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I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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