I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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