I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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