ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
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