I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
