just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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