he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
