He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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