I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
