Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
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I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
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Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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