I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
