Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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