How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
