Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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