u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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