A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
