Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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