I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
