I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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