I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
