The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
