I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
